"Guess what I'm taking up now Gig," I asked my grandmother.
"With you it's hard to tell," she replied.
"Yoga," I stated with a laugh.

Gig said, "Oh, isn't that when you sit with your legs crossed and dream?" Now I was really laughing as I replied, "Yes, Gig. That's exactly what I need to do, sit and dream. We could all could use some sitting and dreaming."

Once again, my family was going to think I was losing my mind. There were times that I thought I was losing my mind. You could almost relate this concept of losing my mind to the very reason I became interested in Yoga. I needed to sit, dream, and get my body connected to my mind, as well as to my spirit.

As a fifteen-year veteran of the fitness industry, I had seen many things come and go in this field. What disturbed me the most was how exercisers' minds seemed to also come and go. What I mean by this is that, as a whole, fitness people seemed to only be concerned with their bodies. "I don't want to have to think about what I am doing," was a remark heard often regarding aerobics classes or working out. This meant that many exercisers were just going through the motions, coasting on autopilot.

This whole "non-thinking" notion really bothered me. I felt that fitness should be mental as well as physical. Additionally, I felt that by not paying attention (being in autopilot mode) there could be a potential increase in the risk of injury. Exercisers could easily miss a step, twist an ankle, tear a muscle, etc., by not being "fully present" in the activity that they were doing. Another reason I wasn't big on this shift into autopilot was I felt like exercise would be used as an escape, and it is by some. Which I suppose there are worse things, such as drugs or alcohol, but still, I just didn't like this concept. Come to find out, years later, I was on the right track when I suggested keeping in touch with both your mind and your body.

I was introduced to yoga last fall. And ironically enough, it was not in a health club, it was in a health psychology class. Little did I know this course would begin a new path for me, as well as help me to help others make a new path for themselves.

Health psychology was about wellness, not just health and/or fitness. It was about the whole person being healthy, including mind, body, spirit, and soul. Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn was one of our textbooks that introduced concepts, beliefs, and practices (including yoga, meditation, and mindfulness) that I soon came to adopt, enjoy, and continue to be amazed by. Kabat-Zinn's book was a wonderful introduction to Mark Epstein's book Thoughts Without A Thinker.

Mindfulness (which is an integral part of yoga practice), being in the present moment, was heavily discussed by Kabat-Zinn (1990), as it was by Epstein (1995) and by Herbert Benson in his book Timeless Healing. This mindfulness concept was a whole new idea to me. Being an individual that is excessively future oriented, I was mostly concerned with the destination (goal), not the journey (process). After I digested this concept, and acknowledged my guilt, I began to realize that this was really happening in the fitness industry. Exercises came in, didn't want to think, just wanted to do their workout (the goal), and while they were working out (the journey) be mentally elsewhere, more than likely making a mental list of the next myriad of things to do.

I then had a revelation. This was not just fitness people. This was the American people as a whole. Let's drive as fast as we can to get to that red light, and along the way be screaming obscenities at anyone (supposedly) in the way, so we can hurry up and get on to the next thing. I was beginning to understand the reasoning for this. Many don't live in the present moment, they live for the future, dwell on the past, and to hell with the here and now. No wonder road rage is an epidemic and most doctors' office visits are psychosomatic or stress related (Benson, 1996, Kabat-Zinn, 1990).

I soon realized that I was Queen of the Monkey Minds. For the past few years friends had been saying to me, "You have got to slow down. You do too much. Take some time for yourself." "OK," I would reply, "I want to know how to do this slowing down. I love my own business. I need to keep doing deliveries because I need the income. I want to keep doing karate, and I won't give up working out. So how, tell me, am I supposed to slow down? I really don't want to give up anything that I do." The answer was one that didn't occur to me. What I needed to slow down was my mind. So what could I physically do to slow down my mind? Yoga was the answer.

Taking up yoga never occurred to me. I guess I thought it was sitting around and dreaming like my grandmother said. As a group exercise coordinator, I made sure yoga classes were available for health club members, but for some reason I never gave a thought to actually trying a class until after I had read the book by Kabat-Zinn. I soon discovered that yoga incorporated several techniques, aside from physical postures, to increase the stilling of the mind, and the uniting of the mind, body, and spirit .

My yoga journey began by writing up an independent learning contract on Yoga For Well-being as part of my bachelor's degree in Nutrition and Wellness Counseling. I was to read three books, review four videos, participate in one class per week for twelve weeks, and take a weekend beginner's workshop at the Kripalu Center in Lenox, MA. My purpose for this route was two-fold: I needed the credits, and knowledge of yoga for my degree, plus I knew the latest trend in fitness was pushing, surprisingly, towards yoga and the whole concept of mind-body workouts (see, I knew this was coming sooner or later). I was very surprised and impressed with what I learned about this practice of yoga.

First of all, yoga was hard work, both physically and mentally. The physical postures require a great deal of strength and flexibility, even at the beginner level. Fortunately for me I was already in great shape, so I could perform most of the poses without having to be hospitalized. Several different breathing techniques were taught to use in conjunction with the physical "asanas" (postures), to unite the mind, body, and spirit. I had not realized how important paying attention to your breath was, nor had I realized the multitudes of benefits one could receive from employing the breath with physical movement. Fifteen years of fitness did not teach me the importance of incorporating the breath like only a handful of yoga classes did.

Breath is considered a vehicle for transforming one's awareness inward, and away from the external senses (Finger & Bingham, 2000). This was another big difference between yoga and fitness. Keep breathing, or exhale on the exertion, are the popular breathing cues in fitness. In yoga, one starts to pay attention to breath by applying the concept of bare attention to your breathing, focusing your thoughts on nothing else but your breath. Then one progresses to three-part-breath, where you inhale, expanding the belly full of air, then fill the rib cage, then the clavicles full of air (similar to a wave of air coming up through the torso), then slowly exhale, tightening the belly. In fitness, it is almost a crime to push one's belly out (this would go against the goal of trying to forever flatten the stomach). A few other breathing techniques were instructed such as alternate-nostril breath to cleanse, or ocean breath, where you sound like Darth Vader, to energize (Schaeffer, 1998). "Breath-work" was a whole new challenge. This went hand in hand with the other mental challenge that I found to be most difficult, yet amazing and therapeutic at the same time. Performing the yoga exercises was considered to be "meditation in motion." Yoga encompasses the whole mindfulness theme of being in the present moment. Epstein (1995) sums it up nicely with one of his comments: "Mindfulness means being aware of exactly what is happening in the mind and body as it is occurring" (p. 142). This proved to be quite the challenge for me, Queen of the Monkey Minds. All the yoga classes begin with an opening meditation, and this meditative state (bare attention) continues throughout all the postures performed.

Secondly, yoga teaches something that is entirely the opposite of fitness: yoga is process oriented , unlike fitness that is goal oriented. An entire different approach was used in yoga classes vs. fitness classes. For example, in yoga, one was encouraged to be aware of how your body feels at this moment, and if one is a little tense or tight in certain areas, that was OK. In fitness classes, one is almost given a message that it's not OK to be tight, to push harder because you're not OK unless you can perform whatever exercise as well as the person next to you. In defense of fitness instructors, they do advocate going at your own pace, however, there is still a distinct competitive atmosphere present. No wonder there seems to be an incredible drop out rate with new exercisers. And no wonder I found relief in just to be present for the process, unconcerned with the goal. What a paradigm shift this was for me.

Some other concepts, foreign to the fitness industry, taught by Yogi Amrit Desai at the Kripalu Center were called the Three A's of Yoga (Sarley and Sarley, 1999):

• Awareness is about being aware of the present moment, mindfulness.
• Acceptance is accepting the limitations and the strengths of the body-mind on a moment-to-moment basis. (Some days are better than others.)
• Adjustment is done by tiny micro-movements, using the breath and our very consciousness.

When we are aware of where we want to go, accept where we are coming from, then we can make the necessary adjustments in the process of getting there (p. 62-65).

Thirdly, I discovered that yoga was a way of life, not just a way to sit and dream, or tie one's self up in a pretzel of fleshy limbs. Yoga was almost a form of religion, I felt. Yoga was referred to as a "tree" that is living and growing and has branches and limbs (Sarley and Sarley, 1999). The branches consisted of different ways or practices that incorporate a yogic lifestyle. Hatha yoga is just one branch that refers to the postures (the physical branch most familiar to westerners). There are several styles of Hatha yoga including but not limited to: Kripalu (self- nurturing and compassion), Ashtanga (the popular westernized style, also called power yoga), Iyengar (used blocks, straps, and props for alignment assistance), and several others emphasizing different forms of the physical asanas (Sarley and Sarley, 1999, Finger & Bingham, 2000). Each branch of yoga has many deep, spiritual meanings. To expound on just Hatha yoga, Ha means Sun and Tha means Moon. The physical postures incorporated in yoga practice are about balancing opposing forces. Sun/Moon, day/night, male/female, the yin and the yang, these are all opposing forces that work in harmony with each other when properly balanced. When performing yoga asanas, there is pose, then a counterpose, hence working the opposites (Sarley and Sarley, 1999). To correlate this to fitness, one would work the muscles of the biceps, and follow up by working the opposing muscle group to the biceps, the triceps.

Some of the other branches of yoga include: Yoga of Service (Karma Yoga), Yoga of Devotion (Bhakti Yoga), Yoga of Knowledge (Jnana Yoga), and the Royal Yoga of Body and Mind (Hatha and Raja Yoga) (Schaeffer, 1998).

The limbs of yoga, included breath, the postures (asanas), and more spiritual concepts and self disciplines such as: do unto others as you've have them do unto you (the Golden Rule), nonviolence, nonlying, nonkilling (hence the vegetarianism in yoga practice), these being similar to Christianity's Ten Commandments, drawing inside, concentration, stillness of the mind, and the most sought after samadhi or enlightenment (Sarley & Sarley, 1999, p. 53-57).

One could easily mistake yoga for a religion based on these spiritual concepts, disciplines, and compassionate lifestyle adaptations the yogis base their practice around. I was very pleased and surprised to make these discoveries about yoga. The practice is quite involved, life transforming, and spiritual. There was much more to yoga than the physical exercises.

When referring to mindfulness with fitness instructors or class participants (often very visual people), I usually offer some examples for them to envision. They usually get the mindfulness point when I bring up some of these examples: Right now, while you are listening to me speak, there are several thoughts going on in your head. Some of you are wondering how long I am going to speak, others are thinking about finishing early so you have time to stop for groceries to make dinner and you are mentally going over your list now. Yet, some of you might be thinking about an argument you had yesterday with your boss, or perhaps the gift you need to get for the bridal shower next week. A few of you are thinking about where you can get gas on the way home or that you have gas ! This is monkey mind. This is being else where, not here, in the present moment. As the late John Lennon put it, "Life is what happens while we are busy making other plans."

After using the above examples, my point is usually clearly made. It is quite the transition for monkey minds to go into this "present moment mode." Mindfulness is a concept to employ as often as we can train ourselves to do so. Being in the present moment takes some practice, but we really are only guaranteed what we have right NOW.

Some Mindful Advise

Dr. Richard Carlson gives some valuable advice in his wonderful little book, Don't Sweat The Small Stuff. Chapter 7 discusses the habit of interrupting others and finishing their sentences for them. Carlson talks about how difficult it is to be in two heads at once (thinking your thoughts and trying to think the other person's), and how destructive to communication this habit is. It is difficult to listen when you are busy thinking and speaking for two. Also, this habit does not employ mindfulness, since once is forever jumping ahead in the conversation (Carlson, 1997).

"Quiet the Mind" is the title of Chapter 71 in Carlson's book. "A quiet mind is the foundation of inner peace. And inner peace translates to outer peace (Carlson, 1997, p. 173)." These statements sum up the two important reasons for engaging in a meditation practice and for becoming more mindful in our thoughts and endeavors.

The Buddhists' teachings also bring up many points for we westerners to contemplate. Many of our own psychodramas come out of our own heads, in our demented thought processes that have been instilled in us by society and our environment. It was quite interesting to read about the western world of low self-esteem and enstrangement in epidemic proportions vs. the eastern enmeshment (Epstein 1994). I have come to discover that in America, it seems to me that the message projected by the media, our environment, and culture is one of "you are not OK the way you are". You need a newer car, a bigger house, supersize soda and fries, because a regular is not good enough or big enough or doesn't have enough fat and cholesterol. You need a new hair color, a new hair-do or you just need hair. You are too thin, too fat, too short, too poor, too rich, or too damn something or another. How about - you are OK just the way you are, as what is practiced in yoga, and seemingly what is practiced in the eastern world. It is no wonder many American people are in a lather, disconnected from their own spirituality, and all worked up about living in what a syudent in one of my classes referred to as an unemotional "cesspool."

Here I Am, So It Is

What I learned from yoga, meditation, and mindfulness is that I am OK. Some days are better than others and don't let the turkeys get you down. "Here I am, so it is." I painted this phrase on a framed photo for one of my supervisors several years ago. Little did I know that I would come to discover a lifestyle that infused that very saying several years later.

Yoga taught me to "Be Here Now." It is still a struggle at times, OK, so many, many times it is a struggle. But I at least know where I can find solace. Not elsewhere, not drugs or alcohol or food addictions, but right here inside of me, and I can go there any time I choose, through meditation, through mindfulness. We all have this ability. It is this ability I want to teach to others to tap into, so they can find solace and heal their mind, body, and spirit: biopsychospiritual fitness.

So what else did I get out of my learning contract on yoga, besides an A, four credits, and a new type of physical exercise? I discovered for myself what it feels like to slow down, to still the monkey mind, and to come to the realization that many, many individuals need to engage in this practice. I came to realize that I needed to figure out a way to, just as my learning contract was titled, incorporate "Yoga as Therapy for Well-being.

I am by no means a professional at meditation, mindfulness, or yoga. But I can say that these practices have changed my outlook on many things, but most importantly have changed my very core of being. I have a long road to go, in teaching others these practices while I continue to learn and fine-tune my own practice. I will, however, do my best to enjoy and fully participate in the journey.

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Copyright 2000 Sabrina Ellen Svard